I was in my fourth week of field internship. So far it was a slow shift at city fire station 5, usually one of the busiest stations in the city. It was real late... about 2 a.m. to be exact. Suddenly our tones go off for a medical aid in city 11’s first-in for an assault. I pull up my turn-out bottoms and hit the ground running. My preceptor Captain Tobias was always the first one in the engine and I was dead-set on beating him this time. To his surprise and mine I did... and off we went. Just as I was rubbing my eyes trying to wake up, all the while thinking that this was going to be a B.S. call, the dispatcher updated us that P.D. was on scene and was initiating CPR.    PUCKER FACTOR!!   We arrived at the scene to find P.D. doing chest compressions on a tall thin teenager in the back of a pickup truck. “He got hit in the head with a bat” one of the cops said. I thought, WOW, my first trauma code. Don’t screw it up. Delegate, delegate, delegate!!!

The ambulance arrived at the same time we did. After intubation and spinal immobilization was completed I asked our engineer to go to the ambulance and strip me two lines. Packaging complete we made a bee line for the ambulance. As we made our way some guy ran up to me with a bizarre far away look in his eyes. He didn’t say anything, he just stared at me. Weirdo I thought to myself. Just then he fell back like a tree, stiff as a board, and hit the ground hard. I can still remember the sound of his head hitting the pavement. Blood poured from the back of his head as he seized violently. Oh crap I thought, now I have a trauma code AND a critical trauma/medical. I don’t need this. I’m new...

We called for another ambulance and my preceptor requested that the first ambulance paramedic stay with the seizure guy until they showed up.

Patient now loaded into the ambulance and all his clothes cut off, I wanted to hurry up and get a couple large bore I.V.’s in this guy. Good thing I delegated those lines to be stripped ahead of time. Right?

I crouched down between the gurney and the bench seat focusing only on getting this I.V.

My preceptor told me, “Hey Beach, be careful not to let this guy pee on you.” As I looked over at the patient I noticed his “private part” was dangerously close, but I thought, yeah whatever, this guy aint gonna do any peeing for a while. So back to focusing I went. Thirty seconds or so later I felt an unknown warm fluid running down the entire side of my body. Shouting expletives I jumped up wiping myself off.

Looking up I saw my preceptor and the engineer laughing hysterically. I knew then I was on the wrong end of fowl play.

As I was concentrating on the I.V. the engineer, no doubt prompted by my preceptor, had reached over and opened both the I.V. lines which leaked out all over the side of me… Nice joke guys.