Zap! Ow! ... Zap! Ow! from Mike Touchstone
by

I have had the unfortunate experience of working a code with too many medics. It was long ago (1984) on a weekend when there was no medic on duty at my local volly ambulance (I worked there full time during the week).

I was playing basketball (I could still run and shoot in those days, hehe) in the park next to the ambulance building. And this is how it went......

"Hey Touch, we need a medic for a code, come on!" So I got in the ambulance, put on a jump suit, kept under the bench seat for just such a situtation, and rode off to take part in the most rediculous response I've ever been on.

The call was dispatched as a "cardiac arrest, medic needed, respond to the scene". If I had known that "respond to the scene" from the start I would never have stopped shooting foul shots.

We pulled up on scene, entered the house to see an man collapsed on a stairway landing. I went up the stairs to check responsiveness and ABCs. Not breathing. (Now the fun begins) As I was getting ready to open the airway, someone grabbed the man's feet and pulled him down the stairs. Bumb, bump, BUMP, BUMPBUMPBUMPPPPPP, went the man's head. Oh, Sh#t! I thought.

There were now at least 6 people in the hall, I came with 2. I told them to start CPR and get him the monitor on. I got the airway equipment and got ready to intubate, when the next thing I knew I was in the living room. I had been hip checked out of the way by a guy who needed "one more tube" to get his monthly requirement. From here on I watched in horror and intervened when I could, as the rest of the code unfolded in the worst Keystone Cops fashion. I'll list the highlights.

"Clear", Bzzzt, "Oh, sorry".

"How much lidocaine?" asks another medic. "All of it", says another. (I took away the lidocaine and gave 100mg, the guy was about to push all 3, 100mg preloads)

"Clear" , Bzzzzt, "Oops, really sorry".

"How much Bretyllium?" asks a medic a little later. "500" is the reply. The medic holding the vial marked 50mg/ml, sees the 50, does the math and says, "we only have one vial, I'll go out to the truck and grab 9 more." (I let him leave, give the 500mg and close the door, not letting him back in).

"How's he doing?", asks the man's wife. "There's no viable signs of life here, ma'am!" Replies the medic with the giant stupid grin.

I hear, "the Isuprel is running wide open." (shaking my head, I go over shut down the line and pull out the Isuprel piggy back someone had put up)

I hear, "Dopamine running wide" at the same time as I'm shutting down and pulling the Isuprel. (I go and shut that off too)

"Clear", BBZZZT, "Sh*t, stop doing that".
"I'm really, really sorry."

By this time there are at least 9 people in the hall. Remember the "respond to the scene" part of the dispatch? Finally, we package the man, and get into the ambulance. No one gets into the ambulance with me. I grab 2 people to do compressions and ventilate. Still in fib, this time I shock him and no one gets buzzed. I look around for the warm-up jacket I had left in the truck but it was gone. Off we go to the hospital, at light speed.

Not one medic who had responded to the scene came to the hospital. I was left holding the bag. I had to write the chart on the EMS cluster fu*k of the year, maybe of the decade.

To put the capper on this job, I found my jacket, under the bench seat, with my Ray Bans crushed to dust in the pocket. They had been between the seat and the cabinet wall when the seat was slammed down. Hell, I had had been grinding my Ray Bans under the seat all the time on my wild ride to the hospital.

So, how many medics do I think should be in an Ambulance? One is enough (if the medic is worth his/her salt and supported by a good EMT and a cop), two is better, but more than that and you have a clusterf#ck in the making.

So put this load of change (?) in the jar, LOL Mike T.