|
|
 |
|
 Email this article |  Printer friendly page
|
|
The Paper Bag Medic |
|
LOCAL ANTHROPOLOGIST SOLVES NATIONAL LABOR SHORTAGE CRISIS FOR LARGE AMBULANCE SERVICE
by
LOCAL ANTHROPOLOGIST SOLVES NATIONAL LABOR
SHORTAGE CRISIS FOR LARGE AMBULANCE SERVICE
by The Paper Bag Medic
Samuel Longhorn Bledson, A noted local Anthropologist and Bovine Scatology
instructor has taken an innovative approach to a previously
discredited anthroplogical study involving western chimpanzees and
emergency medical services personnel. He has determined that stress related
disfunction in chimpanzees as a result of exposure to SSM (Synonymously Started
Mismanagement) can be almost entirely mitigated with the use of creative
motivational techniques and population subset management.
In his own studies (funded entirely by Homeland Security Grants) He found that
certain subsets of western chimpanzees working in EMS and suffering obvious
signs of undue stress would show improvement if first given a "powder
blue" shirt to wear with a large circular patch emblazoned across it. Next
they were allowed indiscriminate use of PA systems, red lights and sirens
commonly found on ambulances. Further stress reduction was noted if they were
also allowed to hang out of the window and scream at people at intersections.
The greatest stress reduction tool however,was found to be use of an American
modification of an old Italian hand jesture in combination with monodigital sign
language.
Certain other chimpanzee subset population were found to excel in management
since they would often hide in a managers office anyway, but all were found to
be prone to stabbing each other in the back with pencils, Flailing thier arms
and screaming loudly without provocation while others were noted to enjoy
standing on thier desks and urinating on subordinate employees. PETA, (People
for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) initially found the new studies acceptable
but reversed course when they found that the Chimps would only be paid 25% more
than human EMS "attendants". In a statement released by PETA, A
spokesman noted that inhuman wages should not be applied to chimps just because
they aren't human. PETA then released several lab rats in protest. The lab rats
however, took one good look around and ran back into thier cages for cover.
|
|
| Feb 20, 2004
source/photo
courtesy
of
|
|
|
|
|
Top of Page
|
|
|
|
|
THE
EMS STORE
sales
support this site
Latest
in The Paper Bag Medic
more > see
category page bottom |
|
|
