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EMS House of DeFrance http://www.emshouse.com The Paper Bag Medic Courtesy the EMS House of DeFrance http://www.defrance.org LOCAL ANTHROPOLOGIST SOLVES NATIONAL LABOR
SHORTAGE CRISIS FOR LARGE AMBULANCE SERVICE In his own studies (funded entirely by Homeland Security Grants) He found that certain subsets of western chimpanzees working in EMS and suffering obvious signs of undue stress would show improvement if first given a "powder blue" shirt to wear with a large circular patch emblazoned across it. Next they were allowed indiscriminate use of PA systems, red lights and sirens commonly found on ambulances. Further stress reduction was noted if they were also allowed to hang out of the window and scream at people at intersections. The greatest stress reduction tool however,was found to be use of an American modification of an old Italian hand jesture in combination with monodigital sign language. Certain other chimpanzee subset population were found to excel in management since they would often hide in a managers office anyway, but all were found to be prone to stabbing each other in the back with pencils, Flailing thier arms and screaming loudly without provocation while others were noted to enjoy standing on thier desks and urinating on subordinate employees. PETA, (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) initially found the new studies acceptable but reversed course when they found that the Chimps would only be paid 25% more than human EMS "attendants". In a statement released by PETA, A spokesman noted that inhuman wages should not be applied to chimps just because they aren't human. PETA then released several lab rats in protest. The lab rats however, took one good look around and ran back into thier cages for cover. The
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