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Today's Horrorscope |
Aries
-- You are
moving out of the shadow of Pluto and into the shadow of a large plummeting piece of Russian space junk. Dodge. Taurus -- A good day for initiatives involving either career, the arts or insurance arson. Gemini -- Time to make that extra effort to break the ice with the in-laws. Try cross dressing. Cancer -- A large swarthy man will offer you refuge from the rain in his pants. Resist. Leo -- Rise and shine. Up and at 'em. Stand and deliver. Turn your head and cough. Virgo -- You will withdraw a large sum of money in an impromptu banking transaction. Run. Libra -- Romantic flames burn brightly, followed tomorrow by a rash, tingling in the extremities, swelling of the tongue and blindness. Scorpio -- This is the perfect day to redefine your relationship with your boss. Hold him hostage. Sagittarius -- Travel beckons. Throw caution to the wind. Also, if possible, a co-worker. Capricorn -- Indulge your lustful instincts, even if it means making the first move by doing an outrageous striptease -- unless, of course, you are spending the day on the witness stand. Aquarius -- Time to make that big career move. It will involve international finance or being shot out of a cannon. If the latter, wear a hat. Pisces -- Saturn puts you at the crossroads. Strike out on a new career path involving fries. Do not try to avoid the winds of change in a trailer park. |